after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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