My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
