dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
