the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
