so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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