I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
