just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
