Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mom said you looked used
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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