i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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