i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Randomize
