I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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