She said her name was "party"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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