I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
