Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
