she was so not down for the gang bang
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
