I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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