I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
