Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
