She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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