HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
