walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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