What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
