I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
