All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
