U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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