she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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