Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize