I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
