I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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