I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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