Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
