I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
