Cold hands, warm shart.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
