i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
