So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
