If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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