Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
