3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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