I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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