ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
