girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
