remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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