I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
