Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
