did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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