At least make sure they are 18
Why
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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