is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and she was petting her beer can
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
