He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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