Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Enjoy the penises
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
