dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
