i think i have herpe
just one?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
