Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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