he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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