My friends, they love my intelligence
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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