I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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