I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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