If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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