i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
