at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
