just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
