i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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