she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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