Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
