umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
