I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
