There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
